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And in the end the love you make is equal to the love you take

September 30, 2013

‘Cause the high heel he used to be has been ground down

I’m done.

No more pretending to be a singer-songwriter and trying to get my songs “out there”.

I’ve deliberated for weeks on this and saved this blog entry before publishing. This isn’t heat-of-the-moment stuff.

After much effort and countless favours from friends old and new I got that album out a year ago.

Since then I have tried to place songs on radio, get online or print reviews, get gigs, get festivals, get anything. The result has been soul destroying and I don’t want to do this to myself any longer.

I’ve finally accepted what I probably knew all along but didn’t want to face up to. The songs aren’t all that good and the voice isn’t doing much for anyone.  That’s OK because not everyone can be good or great and there’s enough creative and wonderful songwriters out there.

In a private detective’s overcoat

Getting live gigs is becoming silly now and embarrassing. I looked back on another year of festival submissions and took a look at who was playing those tents around the country. Younger than me, more soulful than me, edgier than me. I’m a man out of time haha.  I’m also the oldest guy at every gig. It’s getting a bit creepy so probably best for all concerned 🙂

I thought the levelling of the playing field with online blogging would maybe open up the possibility of a review but despite contacting over 20 blogs who review and feature material not dissimilar to mine I didn’t get a single bite. Not so much as an acknowledgement.   Bloody hell at least the record companies back in the day used to at least send a form rejection letter “not what we’re looking for at the moment”.

Radio play is not coming my way no matter how many angles on promotion I take. I have a wonderful video for “Saving Souls” and a box of promo singles all ready to go but no-one wants to hear it.

I can’t even give this shit away.  That sums it up. Maybe that’s what I should have called the album ! 🙂

And dirty dead man’s shoes

Speaking of which, I’ve got a few albums left. If anyone wants a copy drop me a note. When they’re gone they’re gone.   There’s no more gigs. I’m not prepared to bare my soul to a room of people who would much rather talk among themselves over a pint. Somehow I don’t think my particular brand of middle-age middle-class angst will be missed 🙂

If you supported me by coming to gigs: thank you.  If you supported by buying an album: thank you.  If you got a free album: thanks for playing it. If you requested a song on radio: thank you.

It hasn’t all been bad. I’ve made some friends along the way and had one of the best nights of my life launching the album (even if I lost my shirt on the night). Here’s a great memory:

What’s next? I’ll stick to making little bits of music and watching some really talented friends create amazing songs and perform in front of audiences alongside fine musicians.  I think the songs are better off in a notebook or on a hard-disk and I’ll be better off not trying to improve, craft, compete with myself, spend time chasing elusive exposure.  A win-win.

I had to make a life decision a long, long time ago between being an artist or being an aspirational middle-class professional. I don’t do regrets but there’s no way you can do both. Burning the candle at both ends is not good for either side of my brain. It’s exhausting trying to flip between the business person on one side and the creative on the other.

He stands to be insulted and he pays for the privilege

Before I knock it on the head and throw the last toys out of my pram I’ll leave with the single release for “Saving Souls”  since I’ve already spent the money for distribution and a video because my friends were so good to help make it.

Keep an eye out for my communication in the next few days… whether it’s on the blog, mailing list or Facebook.  Grab a copy if you’d like one and let’s pretend one last time 🙂

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